


In My Veins

by Beautifullybroken23



Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-08-02 10:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautifullybroken23/pseuds/Beautifullybroken23
Summary: Things don’t always turn out the way that we would like them to. Blaine Anderson learned this lesson very early on in life when his high school relationship had ended. Their break up had been messy, which is expected of a relationship that breaks simply because dreams don’t fit together, and lives diverge. Now, three years after his world seemed to have shattered, Blaine has finally settled in to his new life, or at least he thought he had, when the person who threw his old one off course completely shows up unexpectedly on his door step.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! It’s been a while. But, here I am with a new story that I hope you will all enjoy. I was going to wait until I had finished writing the entire story to publish, and then changed my mind and decided to publish it now. This is something that I have been working on since April, and it is a story that I have absolutely fallen in love with, so I hope that you will too! I don’t have a definitive posting schedule yet, but there shouldn’t be too long of a wait in between updates! Without further ado, I give to you… In My Veins.

**_Ethereal Records leaks intel about the potential release of Blaine Anderson album!_ **

_March 9, 2018 5:00am_

_By Jenna Morrison_

_The beloved teaser EP that now-CEO of Ethereal Records, Blaine Anderson, released at the beginning of his career may not be the last that we hear of his music._

_“I love it. Making music, I mean. I love producing as well, and I am so grateful that producing and this label has taken me this far, but I miss it. I miss being in the center of the music, and the feeling you get when a new song spills out of you, or the way that you connect with an audience who knows every word you’ve written,” Anderson explained when asked what made him consider taking a step away from producing and focusing on his own music instead. “I’m ready to dive back into my music and see what I can do with it, and I am so lucky to be able to take that step with my own label, and work with these amazing people to build what I hope will be an incredible album!”_

_When asked what the record would be about he simply hinted, “I don’t have it all planed out yet, but music is constantly running through my body. Whatever comes out is what it will be.”_

The resounding sound of knocking on the door causes Blaine’s eyes to shoot up from where they had been reading the Vogue article. His brows knit together in confusion as he tries to remember if he had been expecting any visitors but, decides he’s sure that he hadn’t made any plans for that night. He curiously gets up from his seat on his charcoal couch and heads towards the front door.

On his way he doubles back to the mirror that hangs in the entrance, making sure that he looks put together – or at least as put together as he could possibly look wearing sweats and a t-shirt – before pulling the door open. His breath catches when he sees the boy standing in his doorway, eyes trained on Blaine with a look of both fear and relief.

“Hi,” he breathes, voice hushed as though if he spoke any louder Blaine might slam the door in his face.

Blaine opens his mouth to say something but can’t quite figure out what words are the right ones for this moment. What does he say when the person who used to be his entire world shows up uninvited at his door step after three years of radio silence? Were there even adequate words for such a situation? Instead of speaking, he moves to the side without much thought to let the boy through, shuffling to close the door behind him before leaning back against it. He lets his gaze drift to the ceiling, a way to avoid looking into the eyes that he is sure are still fixated on him, waiting for something – anything to happen. If he were to look in to those eyes, however, the conversation that they _need_ to have, won’t happen, and so instead he stares up at the ceiling.

“Blaine,” the name falls off the other boy’s lips as eloquently, as it always has, and it sends shivers down Blaine’s spine. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head to preemptively stop whatever excuse or lie was about to come out of his mouth.

He steels himself before looking down from the ceiling, his eyes meeting the cerulean blues that stare at him, pleading with him to understand, to listen, to forgive him. He motions towards the living room. “We can talk, in there,” he states simply before leading the way.

Blaine reclaims the spot that he had been in just moments before, turning off the iPad on the coffee table that is still open to the Vogue article. The other boy sits hesitantly at the opposite end of the couch, twiddling his thumbs and biting his lip nervously as his eyes wander around the room.

“This is nice,” he comments quietly as his eyes fall back on Blaine. “I didn’t peg you as the penthouse type.”

Blaine shrugs slightly. Truth be told, he’s not the penthouse type, but he had wanted a place big enough to have his own little recording studio in it so that he could work from home if he wanted. Plus, it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it.

“Why are you here?”

The question bites through the silence, violently, in a way. Blaine flinches at the tone of his own words, and he has no doubt that the boy flinches as well, especially from the pained expression that he wears when Blaine finally looks back at him.

“I - I don’t know if I have an answer to that question, honestly.” The boy’s words are unsure as he looks down at his hands. “Not one that’s worth much.”

Blaine hums in acknowledgment, before sitting back on the couch, once again letting the silence run over them. “I just…why after all of these years? You haven’t done so much as call or text me in three years, Kurt.”

Ah, and there it is. The name itself falls into the room like a bucket of ice being dropped his head. It’s one thing to see the man, but another to speak his name, as if it makes his presence that much more real.

“Blaine,” Kurt begins again, but then closes his mouth and shakes his head before wedging his lip between his teeth – a nervous habit that Blaine is well aware Kurt has when he is trying to figure out how to word something properly.

He knows that it can’t be easy to explain. Their break up was messy – disastrous really. But that’s expected of a relationship that breaks simply because dreams don’t fit together, and lives diverge.

_‘Things have just changed, Blaine. My dream… what I want to do with the rest of my life, it’s right there, and I- I have to take it.”_ Were the words that Kurt used that hot summer afternoon, just a few hours after he had received his letter of acceptance from Parsons. Blaine had fought to try and make Kurt see that they could work despite the distance. He had been accepted to the California Institute of Art. They’d have an entire country between them, and as much as Blaine claimed they could make it, Kurt continued to tell him that they owed It to themselves to begin the new chapter of their lives without anything holding them back. 

“Why now?” Blaine asks again breaking the silence, eyes searching Kurt’s as if the answer is simple enough to lie behind the boy’s beautiful blues.

“Because I…” Kurt stumbles, snapping his eyes shut as he continues to search for the right words. “Because I need you,” he finally says, voice hushed, eyes still closed as if afraid of how Blaine may react. “Because I’ve spent the last three years chasing after the things that I thought could make me happy, but none of them were you.” Kurt’s voice is shaky, and his words are rushed. “None of them could fill the place in me that belongs to you. And… and I know that it’s been years, and that you probably hate me, but I need you,” he tries to explain again, his eyes opening to meet Blaine’s, sincerity behind the moisture that has gathered within them. “In whatever capacity you are willing to allow.”

For the first year and a half after their breakup, he had been hoping and waiting to hear those words. All he had wanted was for Kurt to walk back through his bedroom door and tell him how big of a mistake he had made.

But he’s moved on, now. He’s built a company and dedicated so much time trying to build a life without Kurt as the center.

Yet now that he’s finally settled in to his new life, in walks the person who threw his old one off course completely. The conflicting emotions brewing inside of him in this moment are too overwhelming. He wants so badly to crumble into Kurt’s arms and tell him that he needs him as well, but he can’t. He can’t let himself fall apart in that way, not after how hard he’s worked to get here. He won’t do that do himself.

“It’s not that simple,” he says finally, voice cracked. What else can he say? It isn’t that simple. It’s so complicated that even if he tried to explain it all to an outsider, it’d take weeks… months… hell, maybe even years. It would take forever to understand the complexity that is Blaine and Kurt. The anger begins to bubble within him, flooding his body and stirring something within him that he hadn’t realize he had been holding back.

“I – I know that, I do – “

“Do you?” he asks, and this time his words have strength. His voice is no longer weak and flawed, but strong, and angered. He’s angry. “Do you honestly know? Because if you did, you wouldn’t have just shown up here, after years – _years_ Kurt – and expected everything to just be okay.” He’s standing now, pacing back and forth in front of the couch and running his hand through his curls. “God, you destroyed me. I had to work like hell to pick myself back up after you, and you think that it’s okay to show up out of the blue and apologize? As if an apology is going to fix the last three years that I’ve had to spend rebuilding myself. As if I could simply forgive you after everything that happened.”

Kurt huffs, and Blaine knows what that huff means. He’s upset too, and sure, maybe he has a right to be slightly upset. Their breakup wasn’t one sided, after all, there were words carelessly thrown, and endless fighting. But he’s the one who chose to leave. “This isn’t all my fault,” Kurt snaps, and now he’s on his feet too. Blaine’s no longer pacing but is instead staring at the space between them. “I had to take the opportunity that was being presented to me. And god, I loved you Blaine, but I had to think about me at some point, and I couldn’t’ drag you down some path that could eventually end up with us hurting even more than we already were.”

“So what? You just took off one day without even so much as a goodbye, Kurt. I was so willing to work things out, to figure anything out to make the distance easier, and you chose for me by leaving without telling me. We didn’t even have a proper break up, you just left! Tina had to come and tell me that you were gone, and that you weren’t coming back. You should have at least said goodbye. If you loved me as much as I thought you did, you at least owed me that.”

“I did…I do,” Kurt breathes, and Blaine has to fight hard to resist the pull that he feels towards this man who loved him. Who still loves him.

They both look like they might break down at any second, and god does he hate that Kurt’s ocean blues are filled with tears, especially knowing that he has put them there.

Silence meets his ears as Kurt shuffles slightly, eyes still focused on the floor between them, on the space separating two people who at one point were meant to be together, to live life together, to face it all _together._ But there’s a distance there. Physical or otherwise, it’s there, and it weighs on them. He wants to close it, to pull the beautiful boy who still unknowingly holds his heart in to him and tell him that it’s okay. But he’s let people walk over him before, and he’s let his worry of upsetting others affect him too many times, so he doesn’t close the distance, but instead lets out a sigh and closes his eyes.

“I – I don’t want to fight. Not right now.” It’s late, and the emotions of seeing Kurt have sucked all energy out of him. He doesn’t have enough in him to fight any longer. “There’s a guest bedroom, it’s yours if you want,” he adds before finally leaving the spot that he’s been planted in for the past few moments, moving towards the hallway to show Kurt to the room. He pauses, turning to see if Kurt is following, but he’s not. He’s stuck standing in the same spot, staring at the same point on the floor, and something about seeing this boy that has always been strong and unafraid, standing in a spot as if scared to take the next step snaps something within Blaine, and so taking a breath he lets the wall that he has put up in between them crumble.  “Kurt,” he says softly, watching as Kurt shakes his head before looking up towards Blaine. “Please, stay. Sleep, and we can talk tomorrow. Give me a bit of time to wrap my head around all of this. But, stay okay?”

Kurt nods and moves towards Blaine, and it’s a good enough answer for Blaine, so he begins to walk towards the guest bedroom once again, opening the door when he reaches it, and gesturing for Kurt to go in. “I’ll go get you something to sleep in,” he mumbles before heading off to grab a pair of sweats that are a bit long on him, and a black t-shirt.

When he gets back he finds Kurt lying on the bed, eyes shut, breath coming out in small puffs. Clearly the boy was just as exhausted by the nights events as he was. He walks over to the bed, setting the spare clothes on the nightstand before moving to pull the blankets out from under Kurt and over him. He leans down without a second thought and presses the softest of kisses to the boy’s cheek, eyes falling shut at the familiarity of the skin under his lips. To ever think that he had gotten over Kurt Hummel was laughable. He never had, he most likely never would. It seemed like a task that remained impossible, and possibly unwanted – even if he didn’t want to admit it.

Kurt’s here now, and as much as Blaine wants to send him away and forget that this happened, he won’t. This is something that they need to face, something that they need to sit down and talk about. It won’t be easy, it never was easy between them anyway, but they need it. Kurt’s here for a purpose, and he knows that. He never was one to do things spontaneously or without great consideration, and because of that, Blaine will let him stay long enough for them to figure that out. They will either part on good terms, or do whatever it is that they are meant to do.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you guys so so much for your response to this story! I am so incredibly excited that you all seem to be loving it just as much as I do! Your reviews and kudos, as well as follows and favourites mean the absolute world to me! So thank you for them! I love getting feedback from you guys!   
> Here you guys go, this is chapter 2.

Fact: Kurt Hummel is one of the most beautiful people - hell he’s one of the most beautiful _anything_ \- that Blaine Anderson has ever seen in his 21 years on this planet. The fact is solidified when Blaine’s eyes land on a peaceful Kurt, curled up on the edge of Blaine’s sofa, eyes trained on the sun as it rises, splashing an array of color across the already blue sky. But of course, Blaine couldn’t care less about the water color painting in the sky when he has a real-life Kurt sitting in his living room, the morning sun glistening across his alabaster skin, making the boy look almost angelic.

Of course, these aren’t the thoughts that one Blaine Anderson should be thinking as he creepily stares out across his living room at his ex-boyfriend. He’s supposed to be upset with the boy, no matter how else he might feel about him. But, as it did when they were eighteen, the sheer perfection that seems to surround Kurt invades Blaine’s body, and he seems incapable of feeling angry.

“Morning,” he finally says, voice soft as it floats in to the silence.

Kurt jumps, clearly unaware of Blaine’s presence until this moment, eyes wide until they fall upon Blaine. His expression softens, and he ducks his head - a nervous habit -as a small blush creeps across his cheeks. “Morning,” he echoes back, shifting on the couch so that he’s got his knees pulled up to his chest and is facing Blaine instead of the floor to ceiling window on the other side of the room.

And then it hits Blaine. The awkwardness of the entire situation seems to splash back into the room, and he is slightly agitated that it had to ruin the moment he was just having. As reality sets in, and both boys seem to become aware of how odd this truly is, he finds that he’s at a loss as to where to go from here. Does he try and start up another conversation? Isn’t it too early for that? Do they have breakfast and try to avoid the fact that this is the longest they’ve spent together in six years?

“I um, breakfast,” is all that comes out of his mouth before he quickly makes his way into the kitchen to begin making their meal. He busies himself with preparing the food, not paying attention to anything but the task at hand, and when he finishes with the food and turns to call Kurt, he realizes that the boy is now perched on a chair at the bar, watching him with some sort of… adoration? Affection? Curiosity? He’s not sure what, but there’s something in his eyes.

He frowns a little before grabbing the plate of food and presenting it to Kurt, biting his lip when Kurt gives him a look – clearly of affection this time – when he spots the waffles on the plate.

“You…they’re –“

“Your favorite, I know,” Blaine finishes for him with a small shrug, as if acting casual about it will make it seem like less of a big deal. Of course, it really _is_ a big deal that for some reason he had decided to make something that he hasn’t made since he was eighteen. Blaine gently sets the plate down in front of Kurt, motioning to the various toppings on the counter before making up his own waffles.

Breakfast is awkward, to say the least. They both eat in complete silence, only the sounds of forks against plates occasionally breaking the silence. There are stolen glances, and accidental eye contact, and by the end of it all Blaine really wishes that he could turn invisible or something, because he doesn’t like this feeling of the unknown that is floats over them.

“So, um, do you need to head off to work or anything today?” Kurt asks, breaking the silence for the first time in what must be at least a half hour.

Blaine shakes his head no as he stands and moves to the sink, where he turns on the water to clean up the mess of breakfast. “I don’t start in the studio until tomorrow,” he answers quietly, walking back over to the table to collect Kurt’s plate.

“Right, I read the article on the plane,” Kurt comments, leaning back in his chair and simply watching Blaine. “I always knew that you’d become this extraordinary singer-songwriter,” he admits, catching Blaine off guard.

“You did, did you?”

Kurt hums and nods tilting his head slightly as he looks Blaine over. “Between your voice, your lyrics, and your charm, we all knew you’d take the world by storm.”

“I mean, I still have to record the album, and release it in the first place. Everybody could hate it, it could be terrible.” Blaine shrugs before taking his seat once again.

“Your voice is gorgeous, Blaine, it’ll be anything but terrible.”

Kurt sounds so sure, and Blaine bites his lip before looking down at the table, because as many feelings as he has towards this entire situation, he still needs to guard his heart. He can’t end up broken like he had before, and god, had he been broken. People use the metaphor of a heart being shattered into pieces, but it wasn’t a metaphor to him. No, it was his reality. His heart had shattered and scattered all around, and who knows if he ever found every single piece, or if some of them still lie on the floor of his childhood bedroom. But maybe the gaps that are left behind are meant to be filled by something else? Something better? Heart with missing pieces or not, he knew that he had to protect it better this time, and so he has to push the tug that he feels when he looks up at Kurt once again and finds blue eyes watching him closely with that hint of affection in them once again.

“Right,” he whispers finally, taking a deep breath as he tries to ground himself. “Look, Kurt, I know that we need to sit down and talk… really talk, but –“ But what? But he can’t until he’s sure that he won’t break down and begin sobbing because this is all a little much? But he needs to figure out how the fuck he even feels about this? But he’d really rather not talk, because that might just bring them to a place that he never imagined was possible after everything that they’ve already been through? “But I need some time before I can do that,” is the simple answer he gives. It’s not like it isn’t true. He needs to fully figure out where exactly he wants to go from here before he can sit down and have a logical conversation with Kurt – about _them._ He needs to figure out what he truly feels about this situation in the first place, because his goddam emotions have been absolutely everywhere since the moment his eyes fell upon Kurt in his doorway the previous night, and he needs to figure out which ones he feels most prominently before he has a conversation. There’s been too much back and forth between anger and complete adoration for him to think properly, anyways.

“And – and I know that it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s what I need to happen. I need time to think, and figure shit out in my own head before I try to talk things out with you. I don’t want this to end in another huge blow up, and in order to avoid that, I need to straighten my emotions out.”

Kurt sits still for a few moments before his head slowly bobs in a nod, his eyes meeting Blaine’s, a hint of understanding behind the fear that clouds them. “Okay,” is all the response that Blaine receives, but it’s enough.

 

 

***

 

 

They part with Kurt’s okay. Kurt decides to stay in a hotel, leaving him to think alone in his apartment, which suddenly feels eerily empty without Kurt’s presence. He hates that this is all messing with his head as much as it is, but what else should he expect when his life just did a complete 180 without any heads up?

Picking up his phone he scrolls through his contacts before selecting the one he had been searching for, bringing the phone to his ear and listening as it begins to ring.

 “Kurt’s back,” he says quickly, cutting off any greeting that he was about to receive. “He’s back, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, but there are so many things going through my head, and I need someone to tell me what to do.” His words are rushed, panicked, and he can feel his heart begin to hammer in his chest as his body begins to get worked up once again.

“Hey, hey, slow down. Kurt’s back?” Tina’s voice cuts through the swirl of feelings going through his mind. “When did he – “

“Last night,” he cuts her off. “Fuck Tina, he showed up, and he’s gorgeous – he’s always been gorgeous – and he apologized, and I just want to forgive him and say screw it, but I can’t because… because – “

“Because he crushed you into little bits?” Tina supplies, her voice soft and understanding. She gets it, or maybe she just remembers watching the heartbreak from the sidelines, and so she understands it enough to sympathize. “Are you okay? Do you want me to come over there?”

He shakes his head, even though he knows she can’t see. “No, I’m fine. I just needed to tell somebody I guess,” he adds, slumping against the couch that he’s sitting on. “Why now?”

“I don’t know sweetie, Kurt’s the only one who can clear that up for you.”

“I just don’t know how to begin that conversation. I mean, he tried to explain it… but it can’t be fully answered in one simple explanation. This isn’t small or simple.”

“It never was between you two.” Tina says, causing him to let out a small chuckle. “You guys were anything but simple, or small. You were epic, but just because it’s what you were, doesn’t mean it is was you have to be. What do you want out of all of this Blaine?”

And he’s so incredibly grateful that the girl hasn’t asked questions, or pushed him to talk about it any further, but has instead followed his lead in the conversation. Sure, he’ll have to tell her everything eventually, she’s probably still confused as to why Kurt’s here in the first place, but for now she’s letting him ramble and think out loud, and it’s exactly what he needs.

“I – I don’t know.” He says before huffing out a sigh. Because he doesn’t know. He has felt every single emotion towards this situation, starting with shock and ending with confusion, with a bit of anger and hope in between. “There’s a part of me that is so relieved that he’s here again. He’s everything that I remember him being just in a slightly older version. A part of me wishes that I could forget everything and try to resume where we ended. But he still did what he did, and I had to fight like hell to pick myself up from that, and I can’t do that again Tina… I can’t.”

“I know,” Tina agrees, and he can tell that she’s wearing a look of sympathy. “I remember how bad it got. You weren’t yourself for such a long time, and I’m so happy to have you back. Only you can decide what’s best for you though.”

“Yeah,” he breathes, letting his eyes flutter shut. “Yeah I know. I’m just so confused.”

“Just talk to him, Blaine. Take it one conversation at a time. Move as slowly through things as you need to. Don’t make any decisions without fully considering anything, but at least try and talk things through with him. Let him understand where you’re coming from and let him do the same. Let him explain whatever he feels the need.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I promise I’ll explain things a little better once I straighten it all out in my own head.”

“Anytime. Now go, write some music, or read a book or something. Try to relax for a bit.”

“Okay… bye Tina. Love you.”

He listens as Tina laughs lightly and tells him that she loves him back before hanging up the phone. He looks down at the screen for a few moments contemplating his next move before finding Kurt’ s number… or at least what used to be Kurt’s number.

_Meet me at my place tomorrow morning. 8am. – Blaine_

He sets his phone on the table before reaching over to his notebook that is sitting on the ground next to the couch, flipping open to a blank page before grabbing his guitar, trying his best to let the music consume him and take him away for a little bit.  

 

 

 


	3. Author's note

Hello everybody! I’m going to be a big disappointment and tell you that no, this is not a chapter update. But instead, it’s a note from me to let you all know what is going on, and what will be happening for the next while.

When I originally posted this story, writing was going really well, and I was so excited about what this story could become. However, since then, some life has happened and between my busy work schedule, and classes I haven’t the time, nor the drive to write.

Writing has always been one of my greatest loves, and it’s not something that I intend to give up by any means, but I do however intend to take some time to reestablish my love for writing on my own. This means that you might not see any new content out of me for a while… I need to remember why writing has been my biggest passion so far, and so I’ll be taking time to do that.

However! I do plan on coming back full force with some new stories as well as new chapters to this story, hopefully, sooner rather than later. I never want to give this up, and so I’ll get there soon enough! Until then, thank you all for sticking by me.

 

Love always,

 

Bry


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